Should I stay or should I go?

Today marks one month exactly until my family shows up.

Crazy, isn't it?

But their coming to visit is exactly one month away, and I have so much to do in the meantime. I still haven't gotten my Main Entrance Pass, even though I managed to get my holiday booklet sent to me. I've gotta go check on the hotel, look into the events going on when they come down, and, perhaps most of all, I've got to see exactly what Cast Member discounts and perks I have that I can use for them.

I'm looking forward to it. I mean, it'll be a slightly-more-affordable vacation for them, and an actual vacation for me. In the place that I work. And visit frequently.

Ah, I'm looking forward to it ^-^

But in the interim, however, I have much to do. The biggest thing I'm facing now, besides that paper I should be writing for Marketing You, is the debate as to what I'm going to do next. With less than two months to go before my program ends (or about 56 days (I think) or about 7 weeks), January's coming fast, and with that approach are coming some difficult decisions.

Let's face a couple of facts here: though I have a degree, I highly suspect my going home and trying to get a job in that career area isn't going to be very likely, even with Disney on my resume. Jobs are also harder to find, both because of the depression and also, as I learned, because all the good ones are filled by people who hire from within their company. But let us also take note that although I view money as something that has to be dealt with, a necessary inconvenience perhaps, happiness is key for me.

That all said, I've been debating back and forth about my next steps. As of now, my program's ending in January and I'll be heading home. I haven't heard from any of the professional internships I've applied for, I applied for a job, but haven't heard anything on that end either, and there's an audition coming up on the 19th that I want to apply for, but if I do get in, I'd have to extend. And since I haven't heard from or have little information about my Disney Company professional aspirations, it's pretty much come down to whether I extend or go home.

Just a few weeks ago, this wouldn't have been a very difficult decision. I got the "Want to extend?" e-mail in my inbox, said "Nope*" and moved on. It wasn't that I didn't think the notion of staying with Disney was a bad thing, but I had applied for the professional internships, and was hoping (and still am) to pull myself up above minimum wage work.

But now...well, as my Mom puts it, there really isn't anything much for me to return to in terms of a career. I haven't done anything with communications and writing in a long while, let alone anything down here. Since I wouldn't be able to get a job in my major right off the bat (unless I start trying to freelance and do little projects down here, and we all know how likely that is e.e), I get the feeling I'd be stuck back in retail again. No food and beverage. I've had enough food and beverage. And it hasn't even gotten to the crazy times yet. That return-to-retail notion is more than a little depressing. I really would like to start on my career. I really would like to move beyond minimum wage jobs and general job duties. I'd like to actually have some talents and shine a little bit.

But it's not like it would be much different if I stayed down here. Extending would mean I could (maybe) move into another area, which would be awesome, but I get the feeling I would be placed in merchandise. Retail. Just more crazy. Plus there's always that slim chance that I couldn't move around, in which case it'd be Hello Sunset!

No.
No, I don't think so.

This isn't a terrible job that I have, and believe me, I'm thankful to have one. But there's something sort of depressing about knowing, even as a little kid, that you don't want to be in food and beverage, and then to find yourself working in it some years later because you don't know what you want to do with your life.

That's the other aspect of it too - what to do with my life? I spent a little time on the phone with my Mom yesterday, sitting in the Cast Member parking lot of Hollywood Studios, watching some of the Osbourne Spectacle of Lights and taking in what I could of Illuminations. I was telling her how disappointed I was with the Company for, in my opinion, cutting quality. Don't get me wrong, Walt Disney World and the Disney Company itself are models of quality and high standards, but they seem to be lacking a certain something that made them spectacular world-class leaders not so long ago. Maybe it's just the atmosphere and the culture that I've encountered, but it's not for me. But when I expressed to my Mom how I wasn't thrilled with the cutting of corners and the extreme focus on the bottom line (did we really need to buy Marvel? Probably...but that money could've been sunk back into the parks, or into the studio space they're looking to create out in California), she told me that I was essentially looking for a Utopia. And in the business world, that just doesn't exist. I'd be better off going into a helping profession, something non profit. Or I could be a teacher :P

I find myself feeling torn between staying and trying to do something good for my future, or returning home and trying to get my act together, along with a return to happiness. But will returning to no job, very little money, and no free park admission mean happiness? In the same consideration, will staying far from family and friends doing a minimum wage job in a crazy and very business-minded atmosphere with vacation-minded people while not really seeing where else the job could lead except to stay in the parks be any better?

I'm thankful for my job.
Thankful that Disney chose me to come work for them.
Thankful that I have this opportunity to work for Disney, as well as to get into the parks and really enjoy myself.

But there's that happiness that I'm looking for. It's a motivator, that's for sure, and if I could just find the right career, or even the right area, to work happily in, I'd be - simply - amazing.

Maybe I really should do those exercises I've supposed to have been doing all along.

But it comes down to the question of staying or going and trying to determine which one will bring me the most happiness? Which one will allow me to be the most productive and do the most for myself? Which one is right for me at this time in my life?

I think the answer's become sort of obvious, but I want to look into it all and be sure.

And after all, it would be nice, if I were to extend, to get into a job area where I could really shine. Really make Disney thankful for hiring me. That'd be a nice thank you to them, ne?

And at the same time, it would be nice to return home, take a look at all that I've learned from my experiences at Disney, and start making the future I want happen.

But all these thoughts and ponderings will have to be put on hold for just a little bit longer. I've got a paper to write tonight, interview questions to write down, and, of course, work to get to now. Again, let me stress that I'm thankful for the family that I have, who so kindly got me down here. I'm thankful that Disney took a chance on me and brought me into the Company.

I just want to find my own happiness however. I think this is what everyone seeks out, and I know I've been sort of searching for awhile now. But I'm getting that feeling, once again, that I should do something about it. And with such a major decision as choosing between staying and going...maybe this time will be the time I actually start towards that happiness.

No. This time WILL be the time.

But first work.

And maybe a trip to Target,
Every goal-oriented person's gotta look good at some point, right?


Oh, and randomly, my Mom now understands " :P "




*More likely "Hell no!", but lets be polite.