I can't believe I'm quoting this but...

"Do or do not. There is no try."
---Yoda

Lol, it's been another couple of days since I've posted on here, hasn't it?

I know, I know, I need to update. I'm getting there. I'm actually planning to write a little more when I'm not online, and then just posting it here when I can get on. It's hard getting used to no wireless, having to take turns to get online on one computer. But, honestly, I'm probably also going to update offline because I'm lazy. It's easier to be lazy and still update offline rather than sitting online and wasting time not updating. Wait, that doesn't make sense.

Anyway, let's update. Today's been, what, the third day I've been back at home? The first day I was back, I ended up going up to my room and falling asleep, but the two nights since then, I've fallen asleep on the couch downstairs. Much like I did when I was visiting here back in October. Being home hasn't necessarily been a huge adjustment, but the best way to describe it, for me anyway, is to say it's like having just gotten out of the military. And not that I know what it's like to actually be in the military, nor do I mean any offense to those who are. But that's how it feels to me. I came from this "do it yourself" world where I had to take care of myself and do my Disney duty, acting a certain way, looking a certain way, and now it's like all of that has disappeared. There's food being bought for me. Meals being made for me. Dishes being washed for me, or, well, for the family, but not being washed by me. I don't have to get up early. I can go to bed whenever, go to sleep wherever (for that matter), and basically do whatever I please.

And it's wonderful. I mean, I enjoy not having the stress of getting places, of going crazy trying to cram all sorts of stuff into one day. I enjoy being able to slow down and enjoy myself. But, honestly, it worries me too. I won't say that the Disney College Program was the most amazingly amazing thing in the whole world. I mean, maybe in the future I'll look at it and recognize it for how cool it really is. But I will say that it did teach me more than a little bit about being on my own and fending for myself. I came back a stronger, better person, honestly (and not to sound like a plug for the Program, cause that's really not what this is supposed to be), and I really don't want to lose that.

It's not that I WANT to shop for my own groceries, or do my own laundry, or take care of my own dishes. But I feel that I need to do something of this sort to keep me, well, strong. Coming back here, I found myself struck at how much things hadn't changed. And inside, I worried that I, too, hadn't changed. That in needing a job, I would (and may) settle for another retail job. I'd rely on my parents to get the food and make it and to take care of my domestic needs. That I'd end up lying around in front of the tv growing fat and lazy and, essentially, destroying all that I had become.

Not to say that I didn't appreciate someone else cooking and laying around in front of the tv at Disney :P

But it's just that, for once, I actually took a step towards a better me. I want to keep stepping in that direction. Disney made it "easy" in a sense, because I HAD to do it, I had to rely on myself. But now, well, home is like a test. Can I still keep up the discipline, can I still hold on to the lessons I've learned, without falling back into who I was? Again, it's not that I don't appreciate the food and the clothing and being back with my family. I'm happy to be home. But, for once, my family seemed really proud of me. And, in a way, I was really proud of myself. I don't want to lose that. I want my friends to see how strong(er) I've become. I want them to be proud too. And I just don't want to go back to lazy, retail hell.

This isn't my wanting to be the "independant" twenty-something girl either, although I'm sure it sounds like it. This is just me wanting to still be the good person I've become, to not lose the knowledge and power that I've gained.

I guess this is also me facing a tougher challenge, since, like I said, Disney made it easy since surviving on my own was something I had to do. Here, it's all on me. It's an actual test of my inner strength and will power.

Oh boy.

I ended up going on a walk with my parents today. It was enjoyable. The weather's really nice, and since we're not in Florida, it's not humid, hooray! I couldn't help but think, as I walked, about how I used to walk all around the parks. That my exercise came from rushing to the next big ride, exploring the next resort, or more commonly, running around at work. I found myself missing the exploration of the resorts, and thinking about how Disney keeps people moving by having so many interesting things to explore in the parks, you can't help but just keep continuing forward.

But it was nice being out with my parents. We stopped at a park and I got to hear large bunches of trees rustling in the breeze. I got to hear dogs barking and see some of them playing with each other. It's all so familiar, and yet how weird to think I was without it all for a little over nine months.

Now, of course, I'm onto the projects. This is in my typical fashion. I get inspired to do something, in this case cleaning, and I attempt to tackle it and make it happen. Normally, however, I peter out. This is where I've got to try harder, where I've got to make it happen. Not that I didn't do the same exact thing at Disney, cause I did. I tried to clean and I ended up putting things in boxes and then just stopping. But since I was a little more organized and disciplined at Disney, my stopping mattered, it just wouldn't matter as much as it does here, where I've got to stick to it all on my own.

I'm still unpacking, by the way. I, with some early-morning help from my Mom, managed to tackle most of my laundry. I've still got the fancier clothes in a suitcase, but those'll have to wait until I can reach my closet. I've heard that before. Now I've got to make it happen. But yeah, I'm still trying to find places for things and, today, separating out what items will be packed in my "apartment boxes" - those boxes containing essential-for-living-on-your-own items like my garbage can, or silverware, or towels.

However, I've also been toying with the idea of watching a movie tonight :P

In short, it's great to be home. But now, I've got to keep up with the lessons that I've learned, and help myself take that next big step: a career.

Yeah, that's the big one. And that's what I've got to do.

Seven Days...

I've only got about five minutes to write. Really, I don't even have that, since I should've been in bed already (5:30am day tomorrow, yay), and I've still got stuff to do. But I figured that today was definitely a day to update, if anything just because I've got a week left to go.

Yesterday, there was a little boy who ran through the men's pj pants. When he came out, he said "I was pretending to be a dress". Awesome ^-^

Today, I got a voicemail from one of my guy friends. The only problem is, I couldn't tell which one it was. It was random enough to be from David, but it almost sounded like Dan, saying he'd gone home and grown a beard. But when I txted Dan later to ask for a photo, he said he hadn't grown a beard. I tried David next, so let's see if he responds.

Tonight I've been busy trying to find a hotel to stay in once my program ends. It's difficult, since I have to factor in needing a fridge and microwave, needing internet (gotta have that internet), and a breakfast (continental or otherwise) would be nice. Not to mention proximity to WDW in case I can work, and also in case I can still get into the parks.

I'm just...amazed...I guess...that my college program's winding down. I've been txting Rebecca and she remarked that I've been trying my damnest not to come back. That's not the case, I DO want to go home, but I must confess there's definitely a sense of regret in leaving. There's still so much I wanted to do. And to have a job right now would be a very, VERY good thing. But I've always felt down about leaving Disney.

Finally, today I got the tasking assignment of cleaning all the mirrors in the store. It wasn't too bad, although I had to use wipes instead of a cleaning spray, and then follow up with a paper towel. I discovered (though I already had known) that the hat trees have little mirrors on them too. Doing the work reminded me of wiping the doors at Blockbuster. I don't think I want to do that. Again. But I need to get a good solid hold on my future, and that's been a little difficult.

I even briefly considered taking up my Dad's offer of going to x-ray school, if just to have a job. But to miss out on all the possibilities of a creative job...no. Maybe for a little bit it would be interesting to do x-ray, but that's not for me.

I want to be able to sit down and actually update about all the craziness that's gone on. Going to World of Disney, my struggles with trying to figure out how to go seasonal, my trying to get my GSF on my card, trying to pack up and figure out how to get things organized and ready to go. Lots to write about, but it's been a little busy lately.

But I did just want to commemorate this day. In one week's time, I'll no longer be on the college program.

I can't believe it.

But for now, I think it's time to get to bed.

And maybe tomorrow I'll listen to that voicemail again ^-^;

"Gosh we've missed you"

I know, I know, I know, it's been a while since I've updated on here. And it's going to be a little longer. Sorry, but I've got lots to do tonight: graduation photopass, thank you notes, making food for tomorrow. I will sum it up by saying: week at World of Disney, Shalom suspended, and now (sadly), terminated, David and Jill visiting, lack of sleep, visiting Casting. How's that for a start?

Oh, and the title comes from a Disney promotional e-mail I got. Awww ^-^

Soon(ish) ok?


One other thing. Today is/was approximately two weeks until I have to leave. Technically it's less than two weeks that I have to work, since the 14th is the day that they want us out of the apartment, but still.

Two weeks left until I'm a(n official) college program alumni.

Today was also a 5:30am day, and I got Breezeway. Nobody got Bubble (apparently) because we were shorthanded.

I can't believe it. Two weeks left.

Man...

Professional Internship E-mail

Katherine,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your resume for the position listed below.

Unfortunately, we have identified other candidates whose background and experience more closely meet the requirements for this position.

You are welcome to continue reviewing our employment opportunities and to apply for those positions for which you feel you qualify.

Again, thank you for your time and the interest you have expressed in our Company.

We wish you well in your endeavors.

Disney Professional Internship Recruiting Team

Position Title: WDW Professional Internship (College Program Alumni Only) - Fall 2010
Requisition ID: 227612

The actual non-register day! (with a dustpan and broom)

Non-5:30am day today. Got on register for an hour. Told by Gary to take dust pan and broom around store. Did that for a while (not sure if I was supposed to). On break, found I had an Anniversary voicemail from Ralph. Aww ^-^ ERs offered today. Didn't take it, probably should have. While on bathroom break, heard Disney's name mentioned in the news. Something about a guy, a stroke, and the Tower of Terror. Talked to Manager Dev on the way out about going part/full time. Said I needed to go to Casting. Probably hiring for Attractions now. Realized on way home, if that's true, and I would've just put "Attractions" down on my extension application, I wouldn't necessarily be in this mess. Saw a rainbow. Florida rain = sunny in one half of the sky, heavy rains coming from the other half.

5:30am Days - One Month Left To Go

Beginning of a crazy six-day week. Today 5:30am - 4:00pm. Tomorrow 11:00am - 6:00pm on register. Another 5:30am - 4:00pm after that. Then normal day of 5:30am - 2:00pm. Then I'm deployed to World of Disney. Sunday register. Monday stock from 3:30pm - midnight. Shifts are all until late at night. It's going to be fun.

Woke up today not feeling all that great. Managed to get to work and was put in Bubble. Found out General Manager of something from California was doing a walk of store from 3-5pm. Met woman looking for black visor. Didn't have one out on display, offered to check stockroom really quick. "Really, really quick" she said. Had to meet someone, didn't tell them she was stopping. Raced downstairs, skimmed hats, took stairs two at a time to get up, opened door to find Cast Member standing where woman was now rolling away (wheelchair? ECV?). Other Cast Member told me the woman had said I was taking too long.

...

Coolest thing happened while I was working on shoes. Family came in, looking at shoes and chatting. Thought it would be polite to acknowledge them. One of the young adult daughters was wearing wedding headband ears. Said they looked nice. Dad told me I looked like one of the people he went on the Keys To The Kingdom tour with yesterday. He looked familiar. Asked him what time his tour was at. 9:00am he responded. "Wait..." I said, "Alabama? With the Wrigley Field shirt?" It was him! He was surprised to see me, especially to find out I was a Cast Member. "Ta Da" I said weakly, commenting it would've been nice to have transformed into something a little better looking (Mouse Gear costume's kind of cool). Said it was nice to meet him again.

Also met up with Holly from Sunset later in the day. Was there with her former roommate, who had extended and works in Dinoland now. Holly's living at home with her parents. Doesn't know what to do with her life. Is thinking about going to grad school as a result.

Not the most productive day in Bubble. Finished and walked back to Cast Services. Quick costume stop and clothing change, and I was on my way to get gas. Then it was over to Walmart to get a new pair of work shoes. After much back-and-forth, chose same brand and style ("Captain") as before, just larger. Then back to apartment to try to make Pasta Primavera. Lots of work, hard to keep track of the two different items. Managed it anyway. Food was delicious, although not feeling well now. Possibly just because not having felt well this morning?

Had chat on phone with Mom (Dad in background) about next steps. Really feeling uncertain. Waiting on Professional Internship, but no idea whether or not I'll get it. Had sent e-mail yesterday, asking why I had been denied. Generic e-mail response: too many requests, not enough roles. I understand why my parents say there's more opportunity here, but I don't feel ready to get involved in getting an apartment, at least, not in Florida, not for a minimum wage job, and not without a focused future.

Not happy with the way I act sometimes, especially when my family's trying to help me.

I know I should have looked at jobs, or read "Parachute" book. But sometimes, you just gotta watch Ed, Edd, n' Eddy.

Just watched South Park's 200th episode. Dramatic and funny, nicely done. Definitely time for bed now. Lots to focus on, lots to think about.

Happy One-Month-Left. One month from now, I'll officially no longer be a CP. Whether I'm here at that point, working, driving, or at Acen, I don't know. I wonder where I'll be. But, I've got to say, I can't believe there's just one month left. Crazy to think about, especially when I think about the journey I've taken since that March day (March 17th maybe? 12th?) last year, when I decided to go for the Disney College Program. And now, here I am, trying to get a hold on my future.

Amazing.

Lent xx - 5:30am Days - Week 2, Day 1 - Anthony Bourdain helps me find a Reuben

After sleeping in late for two days, today first day of full week of 5:30am days. Got less sleep last night (distracted by Horizons), so tired today. Saw plans for Mouse Gear store redo. Assigned to Bubble. Kids being redone, things being moved around store. Disrupted some of my list. Had to ask Manager Ginny about open space where hoodies were. Pulled down into tunnel to talk to stockers about what was in stock to put up. Kept trying to keep up. Got pulled away from Bubble (again) to help put out fancy (expensive) purses. Had to hunt down Manager Ginny, find key, see how to organize, then unwrap and tag purses. Took up lots of time. Could only get the essentials for Bubble. Met couple looking for sweat pants for one of their grandkids. Offered to look around store for them when we didn't have the correct size. Said they'd be back after lunch and took note of my name. Didn't take break until 10:38am. Didn't feel well after food. Busy day. Food and Beverage 20% coupon is in effect. Morning was messy/nuts. Asked permission (sigh) to work on shoes. Got half done before offering to help Manager Sandra with a project. Wanted Jack Skellington hats hung up. Had to hunt around for tag gun (wha?). Found wrong one, as it didn't have a needle. Found the right one and proper hooks. Watched her do it. Tried myself. Hope I did it right. Woman Cast Member remarked that she was watching one of the dressing rooms. Been occupied for an hour. Thought it might be a guy and a girl. Finished hats. Decided to fill up a hole or two, put shoes back in proper stock room place, and be done with it. Encountered Guests all the while. Got a really cool id badge pin. Said it was for Imagineering and featured Figment. Got traded away about 45 minutes before my shift ended. Finally finished and got out of there. Hadn't taken my second break. Decided to go to Beaches and Cream for mint chocolate chip shake, since McDonalds around here don't seem to have them. Tried to park at Boardwalk. Missed parking lot and had to go around again. Explored Boardwalk tiny bit before heading onward. Knees and calves hurting. Shake was good, little foamy, but I got the whipped cream and sprinkles that I wanted, not to mention a cherry and delicious mint and chocolate.

Computer just turned off (needed to plug it in). Blogspot saved draft. Woo hoo!!

Wanted reubin because of St. Patrick's Day. Thought Earl of Sandwich might have it. Debated taking Disney bus. Decided to drive. Parked by Cirque. Thought I could catch a boat. Missed. Walked. Pain. Got to Earl. NO REUBIN!! WTF? Couldn't find boat dock by Rainforest Cafe. Took the boat by Paradiso 37. Back to Marketplace, then to West Side. Boat Captain named Tom. Looked very much like an older Anthony Bourdain. Similar build, hair color, facial shape. Boat ride peaceful. Good suggestion on behalf of family. Thought maybe Panera had sandwich, but Mom said no. Got back to apartment (stairs x.x) and had Lean Cuisine. Managed to edit which professional internships I wanted to apply for, but missed the job in Batavia that my Mom had sent me. Drats. Soyoung listening to music, some of which was covers of songs I'd heard, or was nice music in general. Did have a Stevie Wonder song though. Good choice. Shalom came home and made pizza. Smells good. Said that one of the "single ladies" in the Beyonce video is a guy - and dances the best of the three. Soyoung showed video of two guys at Chatham dancing to song. Off to sleep and a lovely long day of work tomorrow. Gotta figure out what to do next. Need to rest though. Definitely a good idea.

Lent xx - A quick update with less than two months to go

Last two 5:30am days kind of blew by. Sorry about not updating x.x Went to Church today, then to Vista to return biography movie about Walt, then to Magic Kingdom where I hoped to have gotten a hair cut. No good, they were booked. Went to Magic Kingdom, got cinnamon almonds (delcious, but expensive), rode train. Held up by parade at Toontown Station. Wandered a bit, very busy all around. Got on People Mover with annoying teen boys behind me. "I'm on the blue line!" "Where the ladies at?" "I'm scared of the dark!" "Someone touched my butt, I feel violated!". Long journey. Gave me a bit of a headache. Walmart after, and then a pleasant walk around the complex. Dinner, ST: TNG/NCIS, and a shower.

Trying to work things out for my future. Need to update resume, apply for jobs, figure out next step. Unfortunately, seems like my trip back home for Easter isn't going to happen. Costs somewhere between $244 and mid-$300s for a ticket. I understand, but am not happy at all about it. Much to do. Gotta get to bed though. More 5:30am days ahead.

Walt was really like us...really normal...wasn't he? Crazy to think like that, but watching that movie, well, wow. What a life.

Oh, and it's officially less than two months until my program's over.

Lent xx - 5:30am Days - Day One - 5:30am - 4:00pm

First day of 5:30 weeks. Woke Soyoung so she could catch bus. Brian offered ride since we both worked same hours. He was at front of Patterson 3 minutes early. Asked me if I wanted to see Alice In Wonderland tonight. Had to see how I felt after work and also cash. Arrived at Epcot. and parked very near front. Met guy we work with. Guy wants to transfer to cruise line. Used to do professional lighting. Girl friend in China. First time 5:30am. Hung out in breakroom watching news. Brian went back to car to get ipod. Little boy hid with sister and called police when house got broken into. Asked for lots of cops and soldiers. Thieves found him. Called him "fool". But ran off. Everyone safe. Whoa. Brave and very smart kid. Got assigned to Kids Clothing. Briefly met girl who's been on a month of 5:30am. Met stocker by the name of Linda. Infants area being reworked. Worked on boys instead. In girls, started getting really tired. Was suprised to see people in park at 8:00am. Realized it was for Princess breakfast. Managed to get through most of girls before meeting. Meeting in bubble. 20% off f&b coupon returning. Crap. Entrance countdown began while still chatting. Managed to get a glove and wave to people for a few minutes. Back to girls to finish up a couple of things. Happily went on 45 break. Rain started early. Not bad. Kept coming and going and was cloudy all day. Tried to work on clothing in center. Was told of new stocker policy. After 10:30am (first break?), no more stocking. Be out for Guest assistance and straightening. Mostly Guests. Began lots of Guest greeting. Got two requests for size "3" - between 2 and 4. We don't have, do we? Rain brought in more people. Store began to get busy. Had been asked earlier for Mad Hatter Hat from new Alice In Wonderland movie. Been out of it for a while. Went to check. Turns out we just got some in. Asked Manager Rob to make sure I could bring them out. Did so, Guest waiting was very happy, I was happy. Went to go tag others. Was informed by Rob that tag needed to go through stitching, not through hat material (not best part of day), but opened them from plastic, tagged them, and got them ready to go out. Also met a seamstress. Neat!

Best part of day - two parents and young boy (9/10/11ish?) came in looking for Mad Hatter Hat. Ran to other side of store to get it. Brought it back. Family was absolutely thrilled. They'd been looking everywhere for it. Was told I just made boy's first trip. Mom gave me rainy half-hug.

Awesome.

Got super busy with people coming in and hiding from rain. Got to go home ^-^

Met Brian in breakroom. He wanted to wait out rain a bit, see if it slowed. Didn't have a rain poncho or a jacket or anything. Waited five or ten minutes. Watching weather on tv. Said tornado warning for Orange County and showed more rain coming. Brian asked if I wanted to hit up a park on my day off. Decided to head up to see how rain was. Coming down, and heavy at that. Stayed in breezeway with Guests for a little bit. Saw some of them take a chance and run. Decided to do the same. Got to pretzel cart. Then to Test Track. By this point, my pants and shoes were absolutely soaked. Little bit of lightning. Little bit of wind. Tried to make it to back of Test Track, maybe dry under track? Rain lightened a bit. Under tracks not dry. Got to Cast Services. Realized we could've tried for the bus. Oops. Met Custodial guy named Matt from Washington. He had fun smacking Brian's wet clothes, first with hand, then a bit with broom. He and Brian displayed their Stitch voices. Matt was very amused. Asked Brian and I to be facebook friends. Matt took random picture of me (not very good one). Told him he should've gotten a picture of my soaked pants. He proceeded to pat my lower leg, as he'd done with Brian. Uh? Kind of laughed. Told him I felt like horse. Off to the stable! Matt told me I'd be a filly. Neat nickname? Brian and I headed to Costuming to check about a rain coat for him. He passed and we headed to car. Thankfully he'd parked so close this morning. Apologized about wet pants on seat. Decided against movie, due to rain. Slight traffic jam on way back to apartments. Got dropped off and headed instead. Pants and socks hung up. Toweled off. Paper toweled shoes. No laundry today I guess. Made garlic shrimp skillet on spinach leaves. Delicious! Watched about extreme roller coaster and water park drops. Indiana Beach, Orlando, and Wisconsin Dells featured! Fell asleep a couple of times. Woke up to The Incredibles and stayed awake to watch. Just as good as I remembered. No school like the old school. Prepped for tomorrow. Misako met Dan Cockrel today as he was walking the park. Said he was gorgeous! Soyoung opened little bag of Famous Amos cookies possibly left by the people from our inspection. Passed, btw. Been nibbling. So good to have some cookies. Need to sleep.

Decided after the new changes and talking to some of the people that've been here awhile that maybe it's best I work for a smaller company, so my work and contributions will be recognized. Either that or a small department. And need to be really good at whatever it is that I do. Just want recognition? Mom said I need to figure out the type of work I want to do first.

Why do I still have the tv on the Lifetime Movie Network?

Lent 07 - A journey or two on a day of beautiful weather

Second day off. Decided to celebrate by sleeping in until nearly eleven. Tired from last night's tears. Got to work finishing Valentine's Day cards and package. Misako found my card from Ralph. Asked if it was for her. Misako/Miyako = oops. Asked what he'd written in there, wanted to know if it was in Japanese. Said he said I have a cute butt. Drew Dad a sucky Bob Ross-esque picture in his card. In Sharpie. Yeah... Took photo. Cards finished, proceeded to wrap and scotch tape the heck out of the package. Weather seemed absolutely gorgeous. Decided it was a day to bring my cds. Misako had some stuff to be mailed too. Finally got out to car, just to have Mom call. Found out Kristi's involved with intramural volleyball and made Busia an 85th birthday card she loved so much she framed it. I need a career. And some talent. Demonstratable talent. Headed out to Crossroads, where I know I've seen a sign for the post office. Found the sign. Found the Comfort Inn my family and I stayed in in 2006. Found where Palm Parkway meets Lake Street. Did not find Post Office. Kept looking. Had listened to Lake Shore Drive on the way to Crossroads. Enjoyed the song, but got a little teary with thoughts of missing home. Driving and searching meant more music from Darjeeling Limited Soundtrack. Typewriter song sounds like something to hear in queue for Jungle Cruise. Eventually found post office in small grouping of stores. Found out I should not use scotch tape on packages as it shreds in the machines. Got packages, cards, and Misako's stuff sent out. Decided to celebrate by going to Animal Kingdom Lodge. Finally got to have African Stew. Yum. VERY filling. Visited "Mental Health Services" by eating stew (in a breadbowl!) and watching old Disney cartoons. "Saw" (couldn't hear sound) Mickey's trailer. Finally got to see almost all of Steamboat Willie all the way through. Very cool. Very happy. Introduced Mom to "lmao". Wandered around Lodge. Went out into savannah area. Cast Members standing around in groups unnerved me. Got to see feeding time. Animals just knew and started following the truck. Guy tried to load branches into feeder in a tree. Giraffe was hungry and started pulling and nibbling from the truck pile and the guy's hands. Other guy tried to push Giraffe away. I think Giraffe's called Miles. Saw an Ankola Cattle with head tilted to one side. Big horn way too heavy? Other Guests said that was cruel and something should be done. One Guest (with Perry the Platypus shirt) said horns have blood flow in them, couldn't be cut. Cattle has better chance of surviving in preserve than in nature. True, but said. "That's nature", as one Guest said. Back into Lodge to explore a little. Found an overlook with rocking chairs. No one else there. Sat for a while, enjoying the view of the savannah, early risen moon, listening to other Guests and kids on hotel room balconies. "Mas Que Nada" from MJJ popped into head. Thought I could go see parade. Turns out, DAK closed at 5:00pm today. Had arrived about 20 minutes beforehand. Decided to go to Epcot. Gas stop first. Pumps all very busy! Went in front way of Epcot. Found a 5-pointed star on Spaceship Earth as I did! Topiary giraffes, Rafiki lifting Simba/Mufasa/Sarabi, and Zazu in the back. Also spotted Timon and Pumbaa. VERY cool! Went into Mouse Gear. Ran into a manager who recognized me. Asked for Sandra and told to go upstairs. Found her and explained Easter situation. Told (bluntly) that there's certain amount of slots for people to take off. Am going to have to do the legwork to see if someone will take my shift. Placed my name on a list telling people my shift could be taken. Need to make a note to put up there as well. Occurred to me later on that I don't know what shift I'll be working. How am I to have someone take it then? Got out and just sat near Universe of Energy. Finally got up and took a walk. Flowers along lakes are really pretty! Decided maybe to visit American Adventure pavillion. Aladdin in Morocco was hot. Passed by America, since next show was 30 minutes away. Tried Italy for Italian Soda. No luck. Apparently there's World Showcase performers there? Heard them "casually talking" about benches. In woman's country, I think she said there's no sitting? Then they were announced. Went to Outpost. Checked prices on ice cream. Debated float. Started heading back. Aladdin still hot. Headache. Realized there were dolphins in the lake flower designs. Checked prices at Fountainview Ice Cream. Reasonable. Went and got free little cup of China Coke instead. Naturally went on Spaceship Earth. Reviewed Hidden Mickeys. Missed more theming and storytelling as opposed to interactive screen ending. Decided to take a monorail ride. Monorail waiting for a while, even after I got on. This was after I saw one passing overhead on loop around park. Got to Magic Kingdom and decided to try to see Spectro. Got in and found out Spectro wasn't happening tonight. My timing really rocked today. Decided to take boat back. Watched Castle as I left. Mom told two children (boy and girl) to say goodbye to Magic Kingdom. They waved. That, and the beauty of the Castle at night from across the lake sparked some magic in me. I don't want to miss that feeling. Got off the boat just in time to see fireworks. Boat driver kept telling people to move towards exit. Easy to ignore ^-^; Fireworks beautiful from across the lake. Understand lighting at boat entrance is necessary, but a pity at that moment. Hopped monorail back. Had texted Anthony earlier in the day about Block Party at Commons. Had gotten back to me much later saying he'd be free after 10pm. Had some time to eat some cocoa mochi, chocolate, and green apple. Misako trying to apply for flight attendant at a company based in Dubai. Found out I have 5:30am-4:00pm shift next week x.x Time just about up. Debated about wearing earrings (went with green) and jacket (went with black knit - uncertain about having shirt hang below its length). Arrived to go with Anthony and Clay. Clay taking a shot of something in memory of an old roommate. Met by two other girls in apartment, fancy club dressed. Had seen other people dressed in that style. Wondered what I was getting into. They were coming too. Both work in Adventureland/Liberty Square. One was full time. Awkwardly walked with, listening to them chat and Clay and Anthony chat. Anthony told me I had his sunglasses. So THAT'S who those belong to. Thought they were Soyoung's. Wasn't feeling well. Think it was combination awkwardness and apple perhaps. African Stew? Hope not. Got to Commons. Block Party? This is a rave! People all crowded into one area. Loud music. Glow items. People all carrying drinks. Granted, they were soda, but still. Girls got stuck trying to get past Guard because of the full timer. Needed someone to sign her in. Clay, Anthony, and I went in. Anthony remarked this was the stuff he tried to stay away from. Clay disappeared into crowd. I followed Anthony through it, followed him past soda, around to the back of the building. Felt like a set up. Said I was ready to go (didn't see food anywhere, bummer). Left together. Anthony apologized for awkwardness with two girls and for not being in a great mood. Considering leaving program. Said he commuted in college. Wanted to live life. Said this wasn't living life. Taking $3 less an hour to work Jungle Cruise. In debt back at home too? Did say that he knew as soon as he left, he would miss Disney like crazy. Also said two girls appeared very nice, but mess with your mind. Apparently he's been txt flirting with one. Other txted, saying girl was freaked out. Txting girl said it was all right, keep going. Anthony wondered why they play mind games. Also said they need instant text response. Had gotten a couple of texts while sleeping, one of which was "why are you ignoring me?" Thought to myself about my feelings of lack of response from him earlier. As we walked, Katelyn (?) texted asking where he was. Replied that he'd left. She replied "Why? You could dance with me". "Maybe later" was his response (I think). Interesting. Walked back to his apartment. Said he was tired. Got up early to work and then hang out with Val. Said she'd been really flirty and that nothing had happened between them. Yet. Headed on my own back to my apartment. Called Mom and told her of situation. Caregiver in me wanted to help, but what to do? Determined, eventually, to return glasses, and see if he wanted to talk. Anthony said I could return glasses and that Kim was over. Walking over, saw Clay and two girls coming back. Yeah, my timing was awesome today. Waited a little, then arrived at apartment. Door was not shut completely. Knocked anyway and heard "Come in, come in". Anthony got the glasses...and that was it. Headed back to apartment for cup of squash soup and some Olympic watching. Thought tonight would make a good set up to a "screw you over without even knowing it" plot. Was paranoid and wary, especially with alcohol. Girl had asked Anthony if he'd wanted a cigarette. He'd said no, but it made me wonder. Did just the briefest of research on sound recording. Need to know electronics and how to work things/set things up. Maybe? Need to think about it some more. Need to do some research too. Also Facebook stalked a bit. Nick Blasucci might have jail time?? Also (re)learned how to search names in friends. Still getting used to new Facebook layout. Time to get some sleep. Work tomorrow. Imagination just started playing.

The weather really was beautiful today.

What about being a part-time sound recorder?

Lent 06 - Watchin' and Waitin'

First day off today. Happily woke up late. Lazed around for a bit. Watched ST:TNG. Kirk as a Romulan? Flipped through 5 in 10 cookbook. Took a walk and called Mom. Was reminded I needed to do tax forms. Went to computer lab to print out pages. To fax, cost $3. Asked if I had a package. No. Decided to make food. Went to Walmart. Realized on the way I still need to send Valentine's Day stuff, d'oh x.x Wandered around Walmart. Cart veered to right constantly. Couldn't find frozen squash. Only frozen squash I found was cut into slices. Not what I needed. Couldn't find pine nuts. Couldn't find zucchini or avocados. Egg plants didn't look so good. Found pine nuts. They're really pricey o.o Had a cashier who bagged my groceries so they were very organized. Cool. Went to Publix. Found zucchini. Organic, individually wrapped, and pricey. Found good egg plant. Debated over ripeness of avocado. Also found correct frozen squash. Hooray! After phone discussion with Mom, decided on a "I think it's ripe" avocado. Paid and headed out. Helicopter hanging low over building. Saw car with "Just Married" written on it. Going back, near shrine, saw a lot of emergency vehicles and cars pulled over by side of I-4. Saw car, flipped over and smashed, in ditch. Hope everything's ok. Got back and prepared to make food. Phone rang. I have a package. Also reminded the front desk closes at 5:00pm. Went to get package. Broke into big smile when saw "from" label reading "3:00". Decided to wait on opening package. Designated avocodo's ripeness as a ticking time bomb. Making "Baked Stuffed Avocados". Rice not hard. Wondered why receipe didn't mention to take it off flame. Opened avocado ok. Little "juicy", but I did it. Got the pit out nicely too. Mashing avocado different story. Slippery. Fork didn't work. Tried spoon. Not much more successful. Eventually ok. Piled insides of avocado skins high. Cleaned while baking. Got some avocado on book x.x Final dinner verdict once they cooled - delicious! Opened package: tootsie Roll Pop pjs, sweet and funny card, and, my favorite, Cunis chocolate in a heart box with TIGER striped fur on the top. Right up my alley! And so nice to taste home. Left Ralph a voicemail of thanks. Forgot today's Monday and he's in class. Decided to tackle "Almond Squash Soup" next. Had a sample cup once finished - delicious! Txted Dan to announce my eating of real food. Happily have leftovers - we'll see how the soup is tomorrow. Then came dishes. Lots to do. Had Sweeney Todd songs in my head while doing them. Left Dan a voicemail to express my thanks. He called back. Chatted for a bit. Afterwards, peaked outside at sound of fireworks. Despite rain, Magic Kingdom still had Wishes. Awesome. Still more dishes. Dan called back. Talked a little more. Dishes finally done, time for internet. Ralph called back. Chatted for bit. Mindful of Stacy and Maria out in main room. Decided better to talk online. Opened window once the rain had stopped. Had intended to sort music, write Valentine's Day cards, get organized. Instead, had mind opened and blown away by two videos David sent. [See previous post]. Cried, honestly. Emotional reaction, yes, but made some good sense too. Made me feel like it's better if the creative work isn't all me, a bit of a relief actually, but at the same time, felt bad that it wouldn't be me that could take the credit, wouldn't be me who was, well, the genius. Chatted with Ralph, Dan, David. Told Ralph I'm a toon fan. Pondered Anthony's night. Bird chirping this late at night?? Looked up little bit of Phineas and Ferb music on YouTube. Found steampunk group thanks to LiveJournal, and from there, found steampunk merchandise. Facebook stalked a little bit too. Still find it...weird...that Kristi speaks of having a boyfriend. She seems to be doing really well. Creative things with shirts and pins? Have Ralph's package almost done. Need to finish card, wrap, and label it. Need to work on family's cards too, but am tired. Emotionally overwhelmed. Plus it's nearly 2am. Annoyed by Facebook. Friend chat feature blocks new drop down menu to log off.

Have Watchin' and Waitin' song stuck in my head.

Learned a lot today. Didn't do tons, but am proud of the things I did manage to do.

Oh my God - It's Genius!

http://vimeo.com/9401903

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html

For my future

Thank You for accepting your extension offer. We are glad that you will continue to be in the Disney family through the spring season!

Should I stay or should I go?

Today marks one month exactly until my family shows up.

Crazy, isn't it?

But their coming to visit is exactly one month away, and I have so much to do in the meantime. I still haven't gotten my Main Entrance Pass, even though I managed to get my holiday booklet sent to me. I've gotta go check on the hotel, look into the events going on when they come down, and, perhaps most of all, I've got to see exactly what Cast Member discounts and perks I have that I can use for them.

I'm looking forward to it. I mean, it'll be a slightly-more-affordable vacation for them, and an actual vacation for me. In the place that I work. And visit frequently.

Ah, I'm looking forward to it ^-^

But in the interim, however, I have much to do. The biggest thing I'm facing now, besides that paper I should be writing for Marketing You, is the debate as to what I'm going to do next. With less than two months to go before my program ends (or about 56 days (I think) or about 7 weeks), January's coming fast, and with that approach are coming some difficult decisions.

Let's face a couple of facts here: though I have a degree, I highly suspect my going home and trying to get a job in that career area isn't going to be very likely, even with Disney on my resume. Jobs are also harder to find, both because of the depression and also, as I learned, because all the good ones are filled by people who hire from within their company. But let us also take note that although I view money as something that has to be dealt with, a necessary inconvenience perhaps, happiness is key for me.

That all said, I've been debating back and forth about my next steps. As of now, my program's ending in January and I'll be heading home. I haven't heard from any of the professional internships I've applied for, I applied for a job, but haven't heard anything on that end either, and there's an audition coming up on the 19th that I want to apply for, but if I do get in, I'd have to extend. And since I haven't heard from or have little information about my Disney Company professional aspirations, it's pretty much come down to whether I extend or go home.

Just a few weeks ago, this wouldn't have been a very difficult decision. I got the "Want to extend?" e-mail in my inbox, said "Nope*" and moved on. It wasn't that I didn't think the notion of staying with Disney was a bad thing, but I had applied for the professional internships, and was hoping (and still am) to pull myself up above minimum wage work.

But now...well, as my Mom puts it, there really isn't anything much for me to return to in terms of a career. I haven't done anything with communications and writing in a long while, let alone anything down here. Since I wouldn't be able to get a job in my major right off the bat (unless I start trying to freelance and do little projects down here, and we all know how likely that is e.e), I get the feeling I'd be stuck back in retail again. No food and beverage. I've had enough food and beverage. And it hasn't even gotten to the crazy times yet. That return-to-retail notion is more than a little depressing. I really would like to start on my career. I really would like to move beyond minimum wage jobs and general job duties. I'd like to actually have some talents and shine a little bit.

But it's not like it would be much different if I stayed down here. Extending would mean I could (maybe) move into another area, which would be awesome, but I get the feeling I would be placed in merchandise. Retail. Just more crazy. Plus there's always that slim chance that I couldn't move around, in which case it'd be Hello Sunset!

No.
No, I don't think so.

This isn't a terrible job that I have, and believe me, I'm thankful to have one. But there's something sort of depressing about knowing, even as a little kid, that you don't want to be in food and beverage, and then to find yourself working in it some years later because you don't know what you want to do with your life.

That's the other aspect of it too - what to do with my life? I spent a little time on the phone with my Mom yesterday, sitting in the Cast Member parking lot of Hollywood Studios, watching some of the Osbourne Spectacle of Lights and taking in what I could of Illuminations. I was telling her how disappointed I was with the Company for, in my opinion, cutting quality. Don't get me wrong, Walt Disney World and the Disney Company itself are models of quality and high standards, but they seem to be lacking a certain something that made them spectacular world-class leaders not so long ago. Maybe it's just the atmosphere and the culture that I've encountered, but it's not for me. But when I expressed to my Mom how I wasn't thrilled with the cutting of corners and the extreme focus on the bottom line (did we really need to buy Marvel? Probably...but that money could've been sunk back into the parks, or into the studio space they're looking to create out in California), she told me that I was essentially looking for a Utopia. And in the business world, that just doesn't exist. I'd be better off going into a helping profession, something non profit. Or I could be a teacher :P

I find myself feeling torn between staying and trying to do something good for my future, or returning home and trying to get my act together, along with a return to happiness. But will returning to no job, very little money, and no free park admission mean happiness? In the same consideration, will staying far from family and friends doing a minimum wage job in a crazy and very business-minded atmosphere with vacation-minded people while not really seeing where else the job could lead except to stay in the parks be any better?

I'm thankful for my job.
Thankful that Disney chose me to come work for them.
Thankful that I have this opportunity to work for Disney, as well as to get into the parks and really enjoy myself.

But there's that happiness that I'm looking for. It's a motivator, that's for sure, and if I could just find the right career, or even the right area, to work happily in, I'd be - simply - amazing.

Maybe I really should do those exercises I've supposed to have been doing all along.

But it comes down to the question of staying or going and trying to determine which one will bring me the most happiness? Which one will allow me to be the most productive and do the most for myself? Which one is right for me at this time in my life?

I think the answer's become sort of obvious, but I want to look into it all and be sure.

And after all, it would be nice, if I were to extend, to get into a job area where I could really shine. Really make Disney thankful for hiring me. That'd be a nice thank you to them, ne?

And at the same time, it would be nice to return home, take a look at all that I've learned from my experiences at Disney, and start making the future I want happen.

But all these thoughts and ponderings will have to be put on hold for just a little bit longer. I've got a paper to write tonight, interview questions to write down, and, of course, work to get to now. Again, let me stress that I'm thankful for the family that I have, who so kindly got me down here. I'm thankful that Disney took a chance on me and brought me into the Company.

I just want to find my own happiness however. I think this is what everyone seeks out, and I know I've been sort of searching for awhile now. But I'm getting that feeling, once again, that I should do something about it. And with such a major decision as choosing between staying and going...maybe this time will be the time I actually start towards that happiness.

No. This time WILL be the time.

But first work.

And maybe a trip to Target,
Every goal-oriented person's gotta look good at some point, right?


Oh, and randomly, my Mom now understands " :P "




*More likely "Hell no!", but lets be polite.

A bit of a quick morning post

I’ve only got a little bit of time to write. Today I work from 10:45am to 6:30pm, which leaves me about fifteen minutes to write. I just woke up too, having decided since I had stayed up until after 1:30am and had to work early today, that sleeping in a little extra would be a good idea. I was dreaming about Disney water parks and about leaving two “kids” (one was a boy who was a kid, the other was a teenage girl who looked a lot like Emilee from Sunset) on their own. There was an older guy too, and I had a bit of a dry exchange with him. Parent? Ex of mine? Who knows. I was just starting to apologize for my actions since this was the first time I was leaving them on their own, when the alarm rang. Before that, it had been folding sheets with Candice, with her noting their significant importance. I remember asking her and her Mom if they did this all the time before vacation and they said yes.

And I would’ve expected to have dreamed of Christian wandering around with his pants open and low enough to see his boxers almost all the way. But maybe that’s for another night?

That pretty much summarizes my day from yesterday. Since I had class, I pretty much lazed around, getting up at 10:00am, checking out Disney forum websites, seeing my first half-episode of Jon and Kate and full episode of Say Yes To The Dress. I also got to try Misako’s massager, which looks like three three-pointed, clear splats of pink plastic have been attached to either end of a wishbone. It feels pretty good and only costs about $10 in Japan. I may have to look into that.

Somehow, despite, or maybe because of, my laziness, I ran a little behind on making my way to class. I still made it, but I didn’t make it as early as I had wanted. As I signed the roster, I was greeted by laughter over Phineas and Ferb. Good sound.

Class was neat, we learned a lot about the first five Disney animated movies, their animators, a little bit of the history going on at the time of their release. We also learned about television, which was funny because Zorro was mentioned, and earlier in the morning, I had purchased seasons 1 and 2 on dvd to be shipped to Walmart. I’m not pleased with how expensive they are, especially because I could’ve gotten a D23 membership with the money I spent, or at least saved it towards something a little more productive, but I like Zorro, and didn’t’ want to miss out on my chance to get it. Kind of sucks that I couldn’t have bought it at Disney, but I don’t think Cast Members get discounts on dvds, and I wouldn’t have gotten as low of a price.

We also got to see a bunch of film and tv clips, including deleted scenes and songs. It was a wonderful experience, since the clips were watched as a group. The group laughter and group emotion was fun, I’ve never really gotten to experience things like that, at least not in theaters, and not so much where everyone agrees with me that a certain point is fun to watch.

Oh, and my team didn't win the competition. We didn't come in second or third either. But oh well, it was fun anyway ^-^

After class, I debated food, but wanting to see Wishes, I grabbed a graham cracker and a granola bar and left for the Magic Kingdom. I got to park in Happy in the Seven Dwarves lot, just like I had the previous night with Alex. Kind of exciting because it was new to me. I ended up hanging out on Main Street, talking to Alex and her friend, while waiting for Alex’s ER to come through. I ran to the bakery briefly because I was starving, but I’m trying to cut back on spending money ::coughZorrocough:: so I didn’t get anything. Unfortunately, when I got back, Alex had already gone to change, so I ended up wandering and waiting for a few minutes. She came back and found me, but she’d gone to the Emporium first. Oops x.x

The train had stopped running, so we walked over to Frontierland, heading towards Big Thunder Mountain. We made a stop at the Country Bear Jamboree first, which was entertaining. When we got out, it was five minutes to Wishes and we had to make a choice: go back to Main Street and see where Tinker Bell lands, or ride Big Thunder. We chose Big Thunder. It was nice and empty by that point, and despite the sign that said there was a 10 minute wait, we walked right on. Even got to choose our own seats too. We chose the back.

After a wildly awesome ride in which we could see the fireworks going off as we raced around the track, we headed back towards Main Street and through the crowd of zombie people (they all stop and stare, I love looking at them) and Alex showed me where I could find Tinker Bell. Then she headed to her car, and I pushed my way through the now-leaving crowd to mine. Ohh, there was a teen girl and her 10/11/12 year old brother I saw on the way out. She was telling “Drake” not to run, that he needed to stay by her. Maybe those were the kids I was watching in my dream?

Alex and I ended up getting back around the same time, I arriving mere seconds before her. She changed and headed out to Wendys to meet her friends, inviting me to come, but I declined in favor of not wanting to impose on their growing friendships (not unannounced anyway) and also to call my Mom. We ended up discussing my nearish future (within the next couple of months), which proved to be a bit of a downer conversation-wise. Do I try and stay and extend and continue to have a job? Or do I try to free myself and see what options lie at home, where I’d like to be? I was tired and felt kind of down, so even though Alex had her friends come over and build a tent, I didn’t participate. Christian did pull down his outer pants though, numerous time, which was a natural perk :P

I got out of the room later that night, but by then it was after 1am, and seeing as I had to get up early (and am already running late), I headed to bed, only to get one more moon from Christian. I’m just amused by the comfort level some people have with physical humor, especially with pulling their pants down in front of strangers.

Frankly, I feel there’s a lot to be thought over. I tried checking out the Disney careers website on the advice of my Mom, and really didn’t find anything there. I’ve got to try to figure something out, it’d really be a good idea anyway.

But for now, off to work.

Who's got stuff to do? Mee!

Just a quick post because it's late and I still have more to do on my homework tomorrow, not to mention much more to do in general.

I got my first official I-requested-it ER tonight.

I ate chicken hearts and rice.

Good night ^-^