I can't believe I'm quoting this but...

"Do or do not. There is no try."
---Yoda

Lol, it's been another couple of days since I've posted on here, hasn't it?

I know, I know, I need to update. I'm getting there. I'm actually planning to write a little more when I'm not online, and then just posting it here when I can get on. It's hard getting used to no wireless, having to take turns to get online on one computer. But, honestly, I'm probably also going to update offline because I'm lazy. It's easier to be lazy and still update offline rather than sitting online and wasting time not updating. Wait, that doesn't make sense.

Anyway, let's update. Today's been, what, the third day I've been back at home? The first day I was back, I ended up going up to my room and falling asleep, but the two nights since then, I've fallen asleep on the couch downstairs. Much like I did when I was visiting here back in October. Being home hasn't necessarily been a huge adjustment, but the best way to describe it, for me anyway, is to say it's like having just gotten out of the military. And not that I know what it's like to actually be in the military, nor do I mean any offense to those who are. But that's how it feels to me. I came from this "do it yourself" world where I had to take care of myself and do my Disney duty, acting a certain way, looking a certain way, and now it's like all of that has disappeared. There's food being bought for me. Meals being made for me. Dishes being washed for me, or, well, for the family, but not being washed by me. I don't have to get up early. I can go to bed whenever, go to sleep wherever (for that matter), and basically do whatever I please.

And it's wonderful. I mean, I enjoy not having the stress of getting places, of going crazy trying to cram all sorts of stuff into one day. I enjoy being able to slow down and enjoy myself. But, honestly, it worries me too. I won't say that the Disney College Program was the most amazingly amazing thing in the whole world. I mean, maybe in the future I'll look at it and recognize it for how cool it really is. But I will say that it did teach me more than a little bit about being on my own and fending for myself. I came back a stronger, better person, honestly (and not to sound like a plug for the Program, cause that's really not what this is supposed to be), and I really don't want to lose that.

It's not that I WANT to shop for my own groceries, or do my own laundry, or take care of my own dishes. But I feel that I need to do something of this sort to keep me, well, strong. Coming back here, I found myself struck at how much things hadn't changed. And inside, I worried that I, too, hadn't changed. That in needing a job, I would (and may) settle for another retail job. I'd rely on my parents to get the food and make it and to take care of my domestic needs. That I'd end up lying around in front of the tv growing fat and lazy and, essentially, destroying all that I had become.

Not to say that I didn't appreciate someone else cooking and laying around in front of the tv at Disney :P

But it's just that, for once, I actually took a step towards a better me. I want to keep stepping in that direction. Disney made it "easy" in a sense, because I HAD to do it, I had to rely on myself. But now, well, home is like a test. Can I still keep up the discipline, can I still hold on to the lessons I've learned, without falling back into who I was? Again, it's not that I don't appreciate the food and the clothing and being back with my family. I'm happy to be home. But, for once, my family seemed really proud of me. And, in a way, I was really proud of myself. I don't want to lose that. I want my friends to see how strong(er) I've become. I want them to be proud too. And I just don't want to go back to lazy, retail hell.

This isn't my wanting to be the "independant" twenty-something girl either, although I'm sure it sounds like it. This is just me wanting to still be the good person I've become, to not lose the knowledge and power that I've gained.

I guess this is also me facing a tougher challenge, since, like I said, Disney made it easy since surviving on my own was something I had to do. Here, it's all on me. It's an actual test of my inner strength and will power.

Oh boy.

I ended up going on a walk with my parents today. It was enjoyable. The weather's really nice, and since we're not in Florida, it's not humid, hooray! I couldn't help but think, as I walked, about how I used to walk all around the parks. That my exercise came from rushing to the next big ride, exploring the next resort, or more commonly, running around at work. I found myself missing the exploration of the resorts, and thinking about how Disney keeps people moving by having so many interesting things to explore in the parks, you can't help but just keep continuing forward.

But it was nice being out with my parents. We stopped at a park and I got to hear large bunches of trees rustling in the breeze. I got to hear dogs barking and see some of them playing with each other. It's all so familiar, and yet how weird to think I was without it all for a little over nine months.

Now, of course, I'm onto the projects. This is in my typical fashion. I get inspired to do something, in this case cleaning, and I attempt to tackle it and make it happen. Normally, however, I peter out. This is where I've got to try harder, where I've got to make it happen. Not that I didn't do the same exact thing at Disney, cause I did. I tried to clean and I ended up putting things in boxes and then just stopping. But since I was a little more organized and disciplined at Disney, my stopping mattered, it just wouldn't matter as much as it does here, where I've got to stick to it all on my own.

I'm still unpacking, by the way. I, with some early-morning help from my Mom, managed to tackle most of my laundry. I've still got the fancier clothes in a suitcase, but those'll have to wait until I can reach my closet. I've heard that before. Now I've got to make it happen. But yeah, I'm still trying to find places for things and, today, separating out what items will be packed in my "apartment boxes" - those boxes containing essential-for-living-on-your-own items like my garbage can, or silverware, or towels.

However, I've also been toying with the idea of watching a movie tonight :P

In short, it's great to be home. But now, I've got to keep up with the lessons that I've learned, and help myself take that next big step: a career.

Yeah, that's the big one. And that's what I've got to do.

The Internet? Oh yeah...I remember that

The sky looks different.

I noticed this about 4:30pm (Central!) time today. It's just not that Floridian blue, obviously, and the clouds are smaller. Still, it's pretty, and that's what matters.

I know I've been meaning to update for a little while. Traveling has been kind of crazy. Long hours of driving can get to you, or at least make you really tired when you finally reach the hotel for the night. Plus, somehow, I caught a cold or something of the sort. I keep coughing and now my nose has started to run. Awkward during Church ;)

Speaking of Church, this morning, since we were in Macon, my family and I found a Church that still does things kind of traditionally. Incense around the alter, stained glass windows and ornamentation covering every wall, bits of Latin, and I even saw a woman with a hat and a woman with a shawl. Crazy...but cool, honestly. I enjoy going to Masses in Churches like that. The traditional feeling really connects with me. Plus, they had a choir from Russia named "Lyra", which I had to smile at since I've read all three (four) of the "His Dark Materials" series.

I plan to do a big update in the next couple of days, but for now, I could really use a shower.

We reached central time around 3:00pm today. I realized it in the bathroom at a rest stop, lol.

Also, "Something, something, something, Dark Side" is awesome.
Haha, and we were eating Pizza Hut (Pizza the Hut) tonight for dinner.

Ok, time for that shower now.


The tv is showing a time-lapse of the Chicago coast for the weather segment.
Beautiful.

Interview Day

McDonald's for breakfast.

Got to go to Animal Kingdom with my family today. It was only for an hour, due to when we got up and when my interview was scheduled. Mom and Kristi rode Expedition Everest four times in a row. Dad and I went to go see Festival of The Lion King. Amazing ^-^ Can't believe the last time I saw it was 1999. We were the lions. Simba was cool ^-^ Despite Mom getting Fast Passes for Dinosaur, we headed back to the hotel so I could get ready for my floral interview. "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids" was on tv. Awesome to see that movie again. I went to Casting for my interview. Filled out a little paperwork (had to get the white-out, forgot to list that I'm seasonal in my work experience, oops) and then waited. And waited. And waited. Watched a video about being a Disney Cast Member a couple of times. Picked up a "Real Simple" magazine. Learned I'm right down the middle between left brain and right brain, at least in regards to organization. Also learned new hair styles and picked up job tips. After an hour and a half, Carlos called me. We went to his office, he checked over my information, I told him about applying for floral, he asked me what experience I had in floral, I replied I had none...and that was pretty much it. He said I was still on the list for Merchandise and Attractions.

Hooray?

Drove back. Maid was in room. Went down to pool and met family while in interview clothes. Changed and hopped in pool for a bit. So nice ^-^ Decided on Cici's for dinner. Saw a sign they were hiring. Considered it...just for a moment. Kristi saw a guy that looked almost exactly like her boyfriend Kyle. She kept trying to get photos of him. Finally, I walked up to him with her, explained to him we wanted a picture, showed him Kyle to prove it, and got the photo. Apparently his girlfriend was very curious as to what was going on. I got to have pizza with random ranch dressing on it. Also finally got to try the macaroni pizza. Delicious!

Went to Magic Kingdom. Dad drove, but I still got to flash my id. Parked in Minnie and walked. Did Fast Pass for Pooh, went on Small World, Philharmagic, Peter Pan, Snow White (family had never done it before - they agreed it really IS scary) and Pooh. Family went to watch fireworks. I tried to catch Tink backstage. Too windy for her to fly tonight I guess. Hoofed it back to Fantasyland to be in the middle of the firework action. Met family in Tomorrowland and waited around for the crowds to leave. Discovered Tomorrowland neon turns red at night. Saw final castle sparkles and colors and heard last announcement around 10:40pm. Got a photopass shot in front of castle. Wandered through shops and headed out. Waited by flower Mickey for a bit. Line for Express monorail crazy. Decided to take resort monorail, but that ended up taking longer than the resort. Headed for a brief stop at McDonald's, then back to hotel. I had to transfer my camera photos.

Definitely time for sleep. Just trying to charge various items.

Very happy to be seasonal.

CP digivolve to...

I only got three and a half hours of sleep last night and today's been a crazybusy day. I'll summarize with this:

Three years ago I graduated college, and now, I've had a Disney baby!
I've officially graduated the Disney College Program, and now I'm...well I would be seasonal, if my status had changed.

I miss Acen.
I have a lot of crap!

It's time for sleep.

Four...

Today was my last 5:30am day. For the time being anyway. I got assigned to Door 3 (hanging clothes). Kim got assigned to Door 6, and wasn't thrilled. Another girl (forgot her name, sorry) was assigned to Spider, and since it was her first time doing the 5:30am shift, she didn't know what to do. Kim asked Rob if they could trade. Rob said no. I tried to help Kim as best as I could, at least in terms of finding the "door" area and wondering with her if Door 8 (which was listed on the same sign) was her responsibility or someone else's. Turns out, it was her's.

Jerri, one of the stock women, officially celebrated 5 years with the Company today. It was actually earlier in the week, and Manager Ginny had brought her flowers, but today was official. The stockers all gathered in the managers' offices area, where they gave her a pin, a card, and Manager Meag brought out Munchkin donuts. I had two covered in small, multicolored, round sprinkles. Awesome ^-^

Back in the tunnel, however, I found out from Terri (working the other half of Door 3 with me) that 5 years used to be celebrated with a breakfast. They'd have it over in World Showcase before it opened, and there'd be a slideshow and the managers would all be there. Plus, Terri said she was trying to help Jerri put the five year pin on her name tag, and realized the pin was plastic! Apparently two people have 25 year pins, and one's different (cheaper?) than the other.

Spent some time letting my imagination go while in the tunnel ^-^

Today I also got my Public Storage unit. Found out the woman I left a message with actually LIVES at PS, which seemed kind of interesting. She showed me around, told me about the things she'd be fixing and what she planned to do, and gave me a whirlwind of information and paperwork. It cost...about the price of a hotel room for the night, but honestly, I thought it was kind of neat. I've got one box there now, and really need to get to packing things up a little more.

Finally, while trying to find out when I work tomorrow, I discovered that I'm scheduled for next week Sunday through Wednesday. I'm sure this is from when I talked to Sandra about going seasonal and she told me to put my availability in The Hub. But as the schedule's still temporary, who knows? We'll have to see about it all.

One last thing I want to mention before I go, even though it may not have been my last forever, today was my last Wave as a CP. That was always one of my favorite parts of the 5:30am shifts. It was so nice to take a break from stocking (unless I was way behind), go and sit and listen to the store updates, and then fun trying to find the right right-handed Mickey mitt to wear while standing outside in the Breezeway. Sometimes, like today, the weather would be just absolutely wonderful, and that breath of fresh air would be so rewarding. Of course I'd watch the Fab Five as they made their way around by the people. And then the "First Family" Test Track car would drive by and we'd all cheer and wave. Finally, the Guests would be let in, and sometimes it would be nothing short of a sea of people (or a little group if the weather was meh). It was always so cool to see that many people headed straight towards you, and fun watching Attractions people try to keep them in line. And more fun to watch the random stragglers from the morning's Princess Breakfast try to get out of the way. Ah and then the waving and the "Good morning"ing and the high four-ing too, all these people rushing past on their way to Test Track and Mission Space. It wasn't hard to give a geniune smile to these people.

And some would pin trade too, that I loved.

I'm also going to miss being in Epcot in the early hours of the morning. With the Flower and Garden festival going on, the air always smelled so sweet in the mornings. It would be so cool to skirt around the trucks and pargos driving on the paths and avoiding getting sprayed by the high-pressure hoses 3rd shift was using (or the watering system the park employs). Secretly, my favorite part was being able to see Spaceship Earth. It hasn't really been lit up in the mornings, "conserving energy" I guess, but today it had a bit of its nighttime glow and then some reflected white light from goodness-knows-what project was being worked on that required bright lights. Walking down the (nearly) empty pathways, seeing people work or just enjoying the quiet peace, that's something to be savored, for sure.

And walking by Test Track maintenance in the morning and peaking in to see what the guys were doing! It was always awkward when they'd say good morning to me. Polite, but then I'd feel like I should be staring. But it was still neat. Especially when I could look into the back of Test Track, right off the end of the ride, and see the sign hanging that says "Test Track, opening Spring 1997". It's nice when they keep stuff like that.

Oh my, I've got to get to bed! Here's hoping that things'll be ok, since the next couple of days are just going to be crazy. I've got lots of fun packing and organizing to do, not to mention wanting to get some laundry done (believe it or not). But sleep is good too :P

Seven Days...

I've only got about five minutes to write. Really, I don't even have that, since I should've been in bed already (5:30am day tomorrow, yay), and I've still got stuff to do. But I figured that today was definitely a day to update, if anything just because I've got a week left to go.

Yesterday, there was a little boy who ran through the men's pj pants. When he came out, he said "I was pretending to be a dress". Awesome ^-^

Today, I got a voicemail from one of my guy friends. The only problem is, I couldn't tell which one it was. It was random enough to be from David, but it almost sounded like Dan, saying he'd gone home and grown a beard. But when I txted Dan later to ask for a photo, he said he hadn't grown a beard. I tried David next, so let's see if he responds.

Tonight I've been busy trying to find a hotel to stay in once my program ends. It's difficult, since I have to factor in needing a fridge and microwave, needing internet (gotta have that internet), and a breakfast (continental or otherwise) would be nice. Not to mention proximity to WDW in case I can work, and also in case I can still get into the parks.

I'm just...amazed...I guess...that my college program's winding down. I've been txting Rebecca and she remarked that I've been trying my damnest not to come back. That's not the case, I DO want to go home, but I must confess there's definitely a sense of regret in leaving. There's still so much I wanted to do. And to have a job right now would be a very, VERY good thing. But I've always felt down about leaving Disney.

Finally, today I got the tasking assignment of cleaning all the mirrors in the store. It wasn't too bad, although I had to use wipes instead of a cleaning spray, and then follow up with a paper towel. I discovered (though I already had known) that the hat trees have little mirrors on them too. Doing the work reminded me of wiping the doors at Blockbuster. I don't think I want to do that. Again. But I need to get a good solid hold on my future, and that's been a little difficult.

I even briefly considered taking up my Dad's offer of going to x-ray school, if just to have a job. But to miss out on all the possibilities of a creative job...no. Maybe for a little bit it would be interesting to do x-ray, but that's not for me.

I want to be able to sit down and actually update about all the craziness that's gone on. Going to World of Disney, my struggles with trying to figure out how to go seasonal, my trying to get my GSF on my card, trying to pack up and figure out how to get things organized and ready to go. Lots to write about, but it's been a little busy lately.

But I did just want to commemorate this day. In one week's time, I'll no longer be on the college program.

I can't believe it.

But for now, I think it's time to get to bed.

And maybe tomorrow I'll listen to that voicemail again ^-^;